The journey begins...

I am re-posting this from Shiloh's blog.  She writes some beautiful things that say exactly how I feel sometimes.  So I must give her credit.

http://ourladyoftheredthread.com/ 

 This year...

by Shiloh Sophia

May you shine the light
that is yours to shine.
May you move through any fear that has stood between you and your joy.
May you choose, unconditionally,
to love yourself and others, with a full heart.
May you find that inner peace, that we all seek,
and discover it has been in you all along.
May you, regardless of challenges,
continue towards your own dream.

This year for me has taken several turns I would have never expected.

The most devastating blow this year was losing my Mom.

I was glad I was able to spend a few days with her.

It was very confusing for me as I watched her slowly fade away.

My head wanted her to go, so her spirit could be alive again somewhere else.

My heart wanted more than anything to wake her and feed her power drinks and take her to her garden and laugh, goof around, look into her eyes, listen to her voice, hug her and make it all stop and go back to how it was long ago.

Now I have to learn to be okay.

It's as if we were in the middle of a conversation and she forgot to say goodbye.

But maybe that's exactly what she wanted and for me to know.

That she wasn't saying goodbye at all, because she is still here, just in a different way.

A way that I'm not use to seeing yet.

I suppose I will, when I'm ready.  

Even though I want it so bad, I must not be ready yet.

This has made me look at my Mothers life.

My life.

Am I happy with my dash?

The space I fill between life and death.

Born March 20 1962- Died...

Although there are many things I would like to add or change, I don't have regrets.  Because everything I have been through, good and bad, has made me what I am.

I think I like myself.  

One day I will say, "I love myself!".

But not just yet.  Baby steps.

Step by step I continue my journey.

The re-purposing of me.